hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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