Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
