He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
