Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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