You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want nice things and good sex
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
