Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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