so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
