i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
