Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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