it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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