I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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