It's Friday. Sex?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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