Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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