So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
