I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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