I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
