I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
