she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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