your room smells of hookers.
And success
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
