I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
