I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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