i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
