Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
