wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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