Sry I called you an 8
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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