I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
