I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
