I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
