just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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