i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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