who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
