At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
