Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
