Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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