I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
