Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
