oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
