so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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