Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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