I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
