i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want a musical about memes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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