If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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