Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
barbara walters just said penis...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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