I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
