Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
