somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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