My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
