I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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