trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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