the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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