i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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