u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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