I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm both gender and math confused
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
