Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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