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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
