he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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