Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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