idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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