Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i will never coherently bang her
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
