if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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