u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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