Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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