6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
