Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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