I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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