I met the friendliest cop last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
