i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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