Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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