Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
