Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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