Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
