So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
