Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
