We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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