I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
