My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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