Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
