The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
