I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
