hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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