Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
