i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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