Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
