Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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