Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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