Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
