just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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