I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize