she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
