I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
