ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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